Throw a Fit

I held my child this morning. The embrace was life giving. But, the time came to put her down and she wept. It hurt my soul so I picked her up and embraced her tighter than before. She did the same. In that moment I didn't want to ever let her go... Then I realized something.

Many men, and women, (but I can only speak for the male psyche) grew up with our childhood robbed from us. It was smashed by an abusive father, hidden by and absent father, or distorted and wrapped in bubble wrap by an overindulgent father. 

We were prevented from growing into a mature man. Instead we grew up still clutching our inner child. The lost and hurting one. The child if we set down will cry until we pick it back up. 

Security and comfort are found only if we embrace that wounded child. Maybe that doesn't sound bad, but how much can we accomplish when holding that inner child. We have no free hand and in an effort to find one we have two choices. 

We can set the child down and complete the task half present and half focused and pulled down by the squalling child. We become short tempered and frustrated when the task doesn't go as planned. We want it done fast so we can silence the screaming child. 

Or, we can adjust, put the child on our hip, or some other odd mechanical arrangement and fumble through whatever it is we wish to do. Things get dropped, we appear incompetent and weak. We feel shamed, so this option makes us want to stop trying anything that doesn't nourish that inner child. 

So how do we overcome this? That's part of the journey I'm on. I'm taking moments to let the baby cry. I'm putting myself in relationships with men better than myself to help me mature the child. 

We should never get rid of the child inside us. If we do, we also get rid of creativity, spontaneity, and exuberant joy. We become callous, cruel, and driven only by results and completion of task. 

What we need to do, is learn how to set boundaries for that inner child. We need to help him grow and acknowledge he is part of us. We need to acknowledge what's going on when anger surges. We need to see that our inner child is on the ground throwing a fit in the middle of the grocery store. 

Then, we need to take a breathe, tell the child we'll be done in a minute, and only after we hold the space and finish the task will we return to the grab the child. It's not easy to do, but I'm trying.